Development did not break, it just adapted

 

All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.

- Michael John Bobak

January was a month where things were ramping up. Joint attention was getting stronger, communication was improving, and Aisha had settled into a rhythm - she knew what to expect.

February, however, felt different.

A few things changed all at once - new environments, new routines, and new demands. And slowly, I started noticing that the flow we had built was no longer as stable as before. Something felt off.

This post is about that phase - how external changes can affect development, and what I learned while navigating it.

Here's what we focused on - 

Aisha had already plateaued in the Joint Attention - Initiation milestone. She was now confidently starting small activities like asking me to come - "Daddy come here", asking for help, even for small things like dance. I gave it a few more days for the skill to settle.

By the middle of the month, once the skill became consistent, I felt confident introducing social interaction work. Joint Attention had already created the foundation of shared attention and connection. From what I had been learning through NDBI approaches, this is typically where development begins to expand into social reciprocity - where the child not only shares attention, but starts participating more actively in back-and-forth interactions.

Social Skills - 

Aisha was now ready for this milestone - Using back-and-forth interaction socially, taking turns and responding within shared routines. 

I began to focus on keeping these interactions simple - staying in small shared moments, taking turns, and responding within familiar routines. Many of these elements had already started during Joint Attention, but now they needed to come together more socially.

At this stage, I was looking for simple signs - short exchanges, continuing actions, staying beside me during shared moments, and occasionally initiating interactions on her own. If she joined, responded, or stayed in the interaction - even for a few seconds - that was progress.

The goal was not to extend the interaction, but to help it exist - even briefly. That's the first step.

Example Reciprocity activity - Back & Forth Drawing

The goal of this activity was to create a simple back-and-forth interaction with a shared rhythm. I chose drawing because it was familiar to Aisha and gave me natural moments to pause.

We sat side by side, and I started drawing quietly. At certain points, I would pause midway and look at her expectantly. The pause itself became the invitation.

Sometimes she joined in immediately, sometimes after a few moments. If she didn’t respond, I simply continued and paused again. Slowly, she began to pick up the pattern and join in.

I kept the interaction short and pressure-free - no instructions, no corrections, and no attempt to turn it into a task. The focus was not on the drawing, but on the shared moment between us.

A short video on how I did it with her using pauses. 

Communication - 

By this time, Aisha had started using two-word combinations more consistently. So we transitioned to the next milestone - Using short sentences to express needs and feelings.

The focus here was not on grammar or long conversations, but on building functional language. I was looking for simple, meaningful expressions - short phrases that helped her communicate what she wanted or felt. Even if they were repetitive or incomplete, as long as they expressed a real need, that was progress.

To make this natural, I built it into everyday routines. One simple pattern I used was building sentences around “I want.”

I want water
I want more water
I want juice
I want bedsheet
I want toilet
I want dinner

This was also the first time Aisha began to use her own voice more clearly. Whenever she said a single word like “water,” I would pause, model the full phrase - “I want water” - and then immediately give it.

We followed the same pattern for feelings and simple responses like “yes” and “no.” (protests)

Over time, these small, repeated moments helped her move from single words to short, meaningful sentences - without pressure, and within everyday routines.

When Things Started Changing - 

While working on these daily routines, I began to notice something unsettling. Skills that had felt stable were starting to fade. It felt eerily similar to what I had seen in December - the early signs of regression.

This began around the middle of the month. At first, I couldn’t quite place what was different.

But looking back, a lot had changed - and it had all changed at once.

Aisha’s school had shifted to a new premises. The environment was completely different, even though the people remained the same. Around the same time, we moved to a new house, and her therapy timings also changed.

Individually, none of these felt significant. But together, they created a completely new rhythm.

Aisha, as always, absorbed it quietly. But after about a week, I began to see the impact. Her engagement dropped, responses slowed down, and the skills we had been building started to feel less accessible.

On top of this, I had introduced a new social milestone along with the next level of communication. The overall cognitive load had increased - even if I hadn’t realized it at the time.

Slowly, things began to feel heavier. And this pattern continued through the rest of February.

Below are the data points for both the social and communication milestones.

Below is the communication milestone -   

When I looked at both graphs together, something became clearer. Communication initially rose, showing new words and combinations, but soon after, both communication and social engagement began to dip around the same time.

This shift wasn’t isolated. It aligned with a period where a lot had changed - a new house, new routines, and the introduction of a new social milestone.

Insights - 

What the graphs revealed was not a loss of skill, but a system under adjustment. As the brain worked to adapt to new environments and integrate new social demands, communication temporarily reduced in frequency. The ability was still there - but the expression became quieter while everything else stabilized.

On the outside, however, it looked very different. Engagement dropped. Responses slowed down. Fatigue increased. There were moments of dysregulation and meltdowns. It looked like regression.

But something deeper was happening. Aisha was not losing skills - she was reorganizing under a new load.

This time, I was able to see it differently. Having gone through a similar phase before, I recognized the pattern. And that understanding took the pressure off completely.

What I began to truly understand was how deeply external factors can influence development. Changes in environment, routine, or even small changes can affect regulation — especially in neurodiverse children.

The skills don’t disappear. They become less visible. Attention drops, responses slow down, and engagement fluctuates. Sometimes it shows up as restlessness, sometimes as withdrawal, and sometimes as meltdowns.

What looks like regression is often the system trying to cope.

So instead of pushing forward, I stepped back. I returned to activities Aisha was already comfortable with - routines she understood and patterns she enjoyed.

By now, I had built a small library of such activities. Going back to them helped both of us reset, rebuild confidence, and allow the system to stabilize again.

Looking back, February taught me something important - development is not just about what we teach, but also about the conditions in which learning happens. Only the systems that adapt to ever changing conditions are the ones that truly sustain.

And Aisha has shown one of the strongest signals so far - Development did not break, it just adapted. 

In the next post, I’ll talk about something deeper that emerged while working on social skills - something that needed a closer look on its own.

Till then, cya - and thank you for being part of this journey.