Then vs Now

In the last post, I showed how things evolved over time and the way all the domains have started to work in tandem. In this one I will put together what it looked like in everyday life.

Then

In the beginning, things showed up here and there, but they didn’t hold or carry forward.

Attention, for example, didn’t hold. There would be small moments — she would look, maybe engage briefly — but it would drop quickly. I often had to bring her into the moment, and even then, it was hard to sustain.

Communication was similar. There were signals, sometimes even words, but they didn’t always carry clear intent. A lot of it depended on prompting, and many times I was guessing what she meant rather than understanding it directly.

Socially, it was even more visible. She would be around other children for a very short while, see them, and come back — but not really enter the interaction. Engagement was short, often one-sided, and easy to lose.

And underneath all of this, one thing affected everything — Regulation. If she was tired or uncomfortable, everything would drop. Whatever skills were visible would disappear, and we would be back to square one.

Most of what we saw also stayed inside structured activities or inside therapy rooms. It was hard to see the same things show up outside — in the park, at home, or in real-world situations or in front of other people. Almost everything was prompted, even a simple greeting like `Hi` was prompted.

And as a parent, my lens was very simple:

• Is this working?
• Did she do it?
• Why did she drop?
• Is she not feeling well?
• Does she not like it?
• How is she feeling?

Now

Now, the picture looks very different.

Attention is no longer something I have to create. It’s something we share. She looks, checks back, and stays engaged — not just in structured activities, but across routines and real-world situations.

Communication has changed in a deeper way. It’s not just about words appearing — it’s about intent becoming clear. She initiates, responds, and uses language for a reason. Even when it’s not perfect, it is meaningful. It's no longer robotic, it is starting to feel like life!

This is how it looks like in real life: A small moment — she looks, checks back, and keeps the interaction going.

Social interaction has started to open up. She doesn’t just stay around others — she begins to enter the interaction. There are small back-and-forth loops now. Still short, still growing — but clearly two-way.

Initiation, which was rare earlier, is now visible. She asks, shares, and seeks engagement on her own.

This is how it looks in real life: A small moment — she steps in, works through what’s happening, and stays in it.

Regulation still matters — but it no longer breaks everything.

Even when she is tired, the skills are still there. They fluctuate, but they don’t disappear. They now surface under stress - for example - 

• when hurt - she says `boo boo here` 
• when sleepy - she says - `I am feeling sleepy` 
• when hungry - she says `I am hungry`

Earlier those were the exact points where she used to get dysregulated leading to tantrums and meltdowns.

And most importantly, these skills are no longer limited to structured settings. They show up in real life — in the park, in routines, in social situations — most of the time without prompting.

My lens as a parent has changed too.

From:

Did she do it?

To:

• What signal did she give?
• What affected her today?
• What does she need right now?

I have summarized all of this and have put all of this in the table below for better understanding - 

Looking at it this way, the change wasn’t just about doing more or learning more. It was about things starting to connect.

Attention made communication easier.
Communication made interaction possible.
And once interaction started, everything began reinforcing itself.

What felt earlier like separate struggles were actually parts of the same system — just not aligned yet. Now that they are coming together, the progress looks different.

More natural. More usable. More real.

In the next post, I’ll break down what actually drove this shift — because understanding that changed how I approached everything.

Six Months In: This is what actually changed

Quick Recap - 

Aisha was diagnosed autistic at the age of 2.5 years. She is now 8. Over the last 6 months I have been working with her on her developmental goals alongside the ongoing therapies (OT & Speech). 

I based this on a mix of naturalistic, evidence-informed approaches (like NDBI, JAML, and MTW), adapting them for what we could actually do in everyday situations. I’ll share more about this in a later post. 

When we began, I was trying to figure out if anything was working. There were small moments, a lot of doubt, and many days that didn’t make sense. Over time, I started documenting everything - not just what Aisha did, but what I was seeing underneath it.

This post is different from the previous ones. I’ve stripped away the fluff and focused only on what actually made sense over the last six months - what changed, what worked, what didn’t, and what I’ve learned along the way.

When I started in November 2025, the goal was simple:

Could I meaningfully support Aisha’s development at home and accelerate her progress alongside therapy?

But six months in, one thing has become clear:

This isn’t just about complementing therapies. As a parent, I can do much more than I initially thought.

The Journey -  

This is not just a before-and-after. It’s how the journey actually unfolded. I will break it into multiple short posts for better readability. Here we go - 

We started working on three core systems - Joint Attention, Early Communication and Social Interaction. 

We started with Joint Attention - building connection first. Once the Joint Attention foundation was solidified, we started to layer in the communication. I observed that connection helped retain functional words and Aisha started using them with purpose. 

Once we progressed a bit, I observed one more thing - Aisha would stare at a group of children when near to them or she would stand close to them. But she was unable to get in the interaction. She did not know how. I treated this as a signal. I wanted to capitalize on her intent and immediately started the Social Interaction interventions with her. 

At that time I did not fully understand how the three domains would interact. There were constant questions - 

• Am I doing it right? 
• Am I going too fast? 
• Am I reading the signals wrong? 

I did not have answers then. But over time something became clear. I realized that  - 

Direction is not the problem. The system was starting to align!

Data Became The Guide - 

To answer these questions and understand where things were heading, I turned to data.

Below is a domain-wise progression and loading view of the three core systems over six months:

1. (Nov) — Foundation

Joint Attention began to build

• Shared attention started emerging
• More noticing and brief engagement
• Early connection, but not sustained

2. (Dec) — Communication Activation

Intent started turning into expression

• Requests and signals became clearer
• First meaningful use of words/signals
• Still inconsistent, but purposeful

3. (Feb) — Social Reciprocity

Interaction became two-way

• Turn-taking crystallized
• Shared interaction loops appeared
• Responses were no longer one-sided

4. (Mar–Apr) — Integrated Growth

All domains started working together

• Attention, communication, and social began reinforcing each other
• Skills showed up in real-life situations
• More stable, more natural interaction

What It Meant For Me:

Over these six months, three things shifted:

• Attention moved from something I had to create -> to something we shared
• Communication moved from prompted words -> to meaningful use
• Interaction moved from participation -> to real back-and-forth

And the most important part: 

these did not grow separately - they built on each other

Looking at it this way, the progression stopped feeling random and started making sense. In the next post, I will translate this into real life - what actually changed in everyday situations, then vs now. 

She Never Gave Up

 

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

- Confucius

Continuing from the last observation, March revealed something entirely new with Aisha. She was still settling into the new routine and environment, and slowly adapting. We continued working on social interaction and communication. She was not engaging fully yet, but it was clearly improving.

Then I began noticing something very unusual. Aisha would engage for a moment in something with me - and then suddenly disengage. It looked as if she had lost interest. But a few minutes later, often after two or three minutes, she would come back asking for the very same thing again. On the surface, it looked confusing - interest, then no interest, then interest again. But after months of working closely with her, I had learned that behavior often hides something deeper.

This month’s write-up is about that pattern, what I believe was happening underneath it, and how we responded.

Unlike the earlier posts, this one is less about specific activities and more about observation, interpretation, and learning. I’ll also link relevant research wherever helpful, so it can serve as a practical reference for caregivers like me.

The Behavior -

While working on social interaction with Aisha, I began noticing one repeated pattern this time. We would start an activity, share a brief back-and-forth moment, and then almost immediately she would break the loop and walk away 😆. And just like that, the interaction would stop. She might roam around the house, go to the balcony, or shift to something else entirely. I would often begin wrapping up, assuming she was no longer interested.

But then, a few minutes later, she would suddenly return and try to continue from exactly where we had left off or try to connect with me.

Soon I started seeing the same pattern in daily routines as well. For example, she would ask for a clip while getting ready, I would offer her a choice, and she would walk off 😆. Then after some time, she would come back expecting the clip as if the interaction had never ended!

This was the first time I had noticed something like this so clearly. But after the last few months of working closely with her, I had learned not to stop at the surface behavior. It looked like loss of interest - but it didn’t feel like true disinterest. Something else seemed to be happening underneath.

That curiosity led me into a fascinating area of research: Interaction Synchrony.

Interaction Synchrony - 

The Social Reciprocity milestone is a beast of its own, even though it appears very early in developmental ladder in a child. From the outside, it can look simple - taking turns, replying, staying in a brief back-and-forth moment. But underneath, the child may be managing many demands at once: attention, timing, communication, reading the other person, planning a response, staying regulated, and coordinating actions in real time.

In many ways, several systems are trying to work together at once. That is where the idea of interaction synchrony becomes interesting - the ability of two people to stay coordinated in timing, rhythm, and response during an interaction. If that coordination is still developing, even a short exchange can carry more effort than it appears from the outside.

What I began to wonder was whether this was part of what I was seeing with Aisha. She would connect briefly, then disengage quickly, often by taking a walk or shifting away. It did not feel like rejection of the interaction. It looked more like her system stepping out for a moment, possibly to regulate and reset after the effort of staying coordinated.

Then, once settled again, she would come back and try to reconnect in her own way again.

Of course, this is only one possible interpretation. There can be many reasons why a child steps away - sensory needs, attention shifts, fatigue, motivation, or simple preference in that moment. But the pattern repeated often enough that it made me look beyond “lost interest” and consider whether the hidden effort of staying socially synchronized was playing a role.

And honestly, I found that extraordinary - how much can be happening underneath such a small moment right? 😊

Reference - Interaction Synchrony

Action Taken -

To keep the momentum going, I made a few simple changes.

Honor the walk - Whenever Aisha needed to disengage, I did not stop her. I let her step away and regulate in her own way. That space often allowed her to return on her own terms, which made the reconnection far more natural than forcing the moment.

Proprioceptive routines - We leaned on familiar proprioceptive activities that usually helped her feel more settled. When she was more regulated, the social interactions became smoother and easier to sustain.

Step back on demands - I reduced the pressure and returned to earlier wins. Familiar activities, lower expectations, and short five-minute interactions were enough. The goal was no longer to push progress, but to protect rhythm and keep connection positive.

Notes: One thing I came to appreciate more deeply was that regulation can look different from the outside. For some autistic individuals, it may look like stepping away, breaking eye contact, looking elsewhere, moving around, or shifting into another activity for a moment. These behaviors are often misunderstood as disinterest or non-compliance, when they may actually be ways of coping and self-regulating.

That is important for caregivers like us to notice. If we force eye contact, demand immediate responses, or block the child from stepping away, we may unintentionally interrupt the very process helping them regulate. 

Take Away: Sometimes the better response is not to pull them back in - but to allow them the space to come back themselves.

Repeated Regression Loops

Now a different observation, and maybe the most crucial observation from data. Below is data chart for Aisha's development of the reciprocity milestone throughout the month.

What caught my attention immediately was this: she appeared to go through three separate rollback phases.

The first came almost as soon as we began. Just when the skill seemed to be emerging, it dipped. Then it began to return - only to dip again. The third time, the same pattern repeated. But after that, something changed. The rollbacks became shorter, the stable periods became longer, and the skill slowly began to hold.

That pattern reminded me of an important idea in developmental psychology: learning is often not linear. New abilities can emerge through periods of inconsistency and temporary setbacks before they stabilize. Progress may look messy on the surface, but underneath it can still be moving forward!

What I found especially meaningful was that each return seemed stronger than the last. Aisha was not starting from zero each time. Something from the previous attempt appeared to remain. The system seemed to be learning, adjusting and gradually building capacity.

That is why the later rollback phases looked smaller, while the periods of steadiness kept increasing. Eventually, the skill began to stay present without slipping away so easily.

And to me, that made all the difference.

Because if I only looked at the surface, I might have called it regression or the child does not want to do it or she is tired or she lost the skill. But when I looked across time, it told a different story.

On the outside, it looked like struggle.
On the inside, it looked like persistence.

Key Insight - What sometimes appears to be regression may actually be the system reorganizing on the way to stability. And the most important insight? - YES, our children fight - often in ways we cannot immediately see 💪.

Analysis

The social reciprocity graph moved in a different rhythm. It came in waves - progress, rollback, recovery, then progress again. That made sense, because social reciprocity asks for more than communication alone. It requires staying connected to another person in real time, reading cues, timing responses, taking turns, and remaining regulated throughout. What stood out most was that even after the dips, Aisha kept returning stronger. By late March and into April, the graph showed longer periods of consistency, suggesting that the system was gradually building tolerance for the social load.

The communication graph tells a reassuring story. After the dip at the beginning of March, there was a sharp recovery through the next phase, followed by a clear plateau by mid-March. To me, this suggests that the earlier overload had affected expression more than actual ability. The language had not disappeared — it had simply become harder to access during a demanding period. Once Aisha became more settled and regulated, the short sentences began returning naturally and then held steady. That plateau was meaningful, because it showed the skill was no longer fragile. It had started to stabilize.

Correlation: Looking at both graphs together, an interesting pattern emerged. Communication appeared to stabilize first, while social reciprocity continued to fluctuate before settling later. It felt as though once language became steadier, more capacity was available for the harder work of connection. One system found its footing first, and the other slowly followed.

Conclusion

This month was full of learning for me and Aisha. There were breakthroughs and challenges. Till now I had only heard and believed that - Social skills are extremely hard for autistic individuals to learn, and that its a major bottleneck. After this month, I understand more clearly why. But I also understand something equally important: they can be developed.

Not all at once, and not by force.

We build them brick by brick - by noticing the hidden effort, respecting regulation, and understanding what may be happening beneath the surface. What looks small from the outside can require tremendous work from the child within.

And one thing became very clear to me this month: Aisha was trying all along. She was not giving up. She was learning in her own way - how to stay connected.

My role now is not just to teach skills, but to meet that effort and join the fight alongside her - armed with better understanding - and with a new lens.

By next month, I expect Reciprocity to reach a plateau, and we will begin a more advanced social milestone around peer play.

Also, next month marks six months into this journey. That post will be a special one 😉 so hang in there.

Till then, take care - JAI AISHA, and JAI to every ND child and individual fighting battles we may not always see. ✊

Development did not break, it just adapted

 

All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.

- Michael John Bobak

January was a month where things were ramping up. Joint attention was getting stronger, communication was improving, and Aisha had settled into a rhythm - she knew what to expect.

February, however, felt different.

A few things changed all at once - new environments, new routines, and new demands. And slowly, I started noticing that the flow we had built was no longer as stable as before. Something felt off.

This post is about that phase - how external changes can affect development, and what I learned while navigating it.

Here's what we focused on - 

Aisha had already plateaued in the Joint Attention - Initiation milestone. She was now confidently starting small activities like asking me to come - "Daddy come here", asking for help, even for small things like dance. I gave it a few more days for the skill to settle.

By the middle of the month, once the skill became consistent, I felt confident introducing social interaction work. Joint Attention had already created the foundation of shared attention and connection. From what I had been learning through NDBI approaches, this is typically where development begins to expand into social reciprocity - where the child not only shares attention, but starts participating more actively in back-and-forth interactions.

Social Skills - 

Aisha was now ready for this milestone - Using back-and-forth interaction socially, taking turns and responding within shared routines. 

I began to focus on keeping these interactions simple - staying in small shared moments, taking turns, and responding within familiar routines. Many of these elements had already started during Joint Attention, but now they needed to come together more socially.

At this stage, I was looking for simple signs - short exchanges, continuing actions, staying beside me during shared moments, and occasionally initiating interactions on her own. If she joined, responded, or stayed in the interaction - even for a few seconds - that was progress.

The goal was not to extend the interaction, but to help it exist - even briefly. That's the first step.

Example Reciprocity activity - Back & Forth Drawing

The goal of this activity was to create a simple back-and-forth interaction with a shared rhythm. I chose drawing because it was familiar to Aisha and gave me natural moments to pause.

We sat side by side, and I started drawing quietly. At certain points, I would pause midway and look at her expectantly. The pause itself became the invitation.

Sometimes she joined in immediately, sometimes after a few moments. If she didn’t respond, I simply continued and paused again. Slowly, she began to pick up the pattern and join in.

I kept the interaction short and pressure-free - no instructions, no corrections, and no attempt to turn it into a task. The focus was not on the drawing, but on the shared moment between us.

A short video on how I did it with her using pauses. 

Communication - 

By this time, Aisha had started using two-word combinations more consistently. So we transitioned to the next milestone - Using short sentences to express needs and feelings.

The focus here was not on grammar or long conversations, but on building functional language. I was looking for simple, meaningful expressions - short phrases that helped her communicate what she wanted or felt. Even if they were repetitive or incomplete, as long as they expressed a real need, that was progress.

To make this natural, I built it into everyday routines. One simple pattern I used was building sentences around “I want.”

I want water
I want more water
I want juice
I want bedsheet
I want toilet
I want dinner

This was also the first time Aisha began to use her own voice more clearly. Whenever she said a single word like “water,” I would pause, model the full phrase - “I want water” - and then immediately give it.

We followed the same pattern for feelings and simple responses like “yes” and “no.” (protests)

Over time, these small, repeated moments helped her move from single words to short, meaningful sentences - without pressure, and within everyday routines.

When Things Started Changing - 

While working on these daily routines, I began to notice something unsettling. Skills that had felt stable were starting to fade. It felt eerily similar to what I had seen in December - the early signs of regression.

This began around the middle of the month. At first, I couldn’t quite place what was different.

But looking back, a lot had changed - and it had all changed at once.

Aisha’s school had shifted to a new premises. The environment was completely different, even though the people remained the same. Around the same time, we moved to a new house, and her therapy timings also changed.

Individually, none of these felt significant. But together, they created a completely new rhythm.

Aisha, as always, absorbed it quietly. But after about a week, I began to see the impact. Her engagement dropped, responses slowed down, and the skills we had been building started to feel less accessible.

On top of this, I had introduced a new social milestone along with the next level of communication. The overall cognitive load had increased - even if I hadn’t realized it at the time.

Slowly, things began to feel heavier. And this pattern continued through the rest of February.

Below are the data points for both the social and communication milestones.

Below is the communication milestone -   

When I looked at both graphs together, something became clearer. Communication initially rose, showing new words and combinations, but soon after, both communication and social engagement began to dip around the same time.

This shift wasn’t isolated. It aligned with a period where a lot had changed - a new house, new routines, and the introduction of a new social milestone.

Insights - 

What the graphs revealed was not a loss of skill, but a system under adjustment. As the brain worked to adapt to new environments and integrate new social demands, communication temporarily reduced in frequency. The ability was still there - but the expression became quieter while everything else stabilized.

On the outside, however, it looked very different. Engagement dropped. Responses slowed down. Fatigue increased. There were moments of dysregulation and meltdowns. It looked like regression.

But something deeper was happening. Aisha was not losing skills - she was reorganizing under a new load.

This time, I was able to see it differently. Having gone through a similar phase before, I recognized the pattern. And that understanding took the pressure off completely.

What I began to truly understand was how deeply external factors can influence development. Changes in environment, routine, or even small changes can affect regulation — especially in neurodiverse children.

The skills don’t disappear. They become less visible. Attention drops, responses slow down, and engagement fluctuates. Sometimes it shows up as restlessness, sometimes as withdrawal, and sometimes as meltdowns.

What looks like regression is often the system trying to cope.

So instead of pushing forward, I stepped back. I returned to activities Aisha was already comfortable with - routines she understood and patterns she enjoyed.

By now, I had built a small library of such activities. Going back to them helped both of us reset, rebuild confidence, and allow the system to stabilize again.

Looking back, February taught me something important - development is not just about what we teach, but also about the conditions in which learning happens. Only the systems that adapt to ever changing conditions are the ones that truly sustain.

And Aisha has shown one of the strongest signals so far - Development did not break, it just adapted. 

In the next post, I’ll talk about something deeper that emerged while working on social skills - something that needed a closer look on its own.

Till then, cya - and thank you for being part of this journey.

The Miracle Month

 

“Development is not a ladder with evenly spaced steps.”

— Kurt Fischer

Introduction - 

After December's regression & overload, January started with uncertainty and apprehension for me. Though Aisha was already showing signs of regaining certain skills that she had acquired in November, it was still not consistent. 

I had already started working on the next milestones for Joint Attention and Early communication. But this time it was different! Way different from December and November. As the month progressed, Aisha suddenly started showing signs of exponential growth! The turn taking, requesting skills in which she had previously regressed, started coming back. And they did not just come back, they came back with a Bang💥!  I was witnessing the onset of rapid acquisition.

We both kept on working as and when needed. The key was to embed everything in daily routines - the speech and the JA initiation skills. This allowed Aisha to participate without any heavy cognitive load and took care of variations and generalization across different contexts. This is exactly what I wanted and is aligned to NDBI principles combined with JAML and MTW techniques. 

Here’s what this looked like in practice - 

Joint Attention -

Joint Attention stage - Initiates and sustains Joint Play with shared Attention.

What it's about - This stage is about bringing me into play and staying connected for longer periods - not necessarily playing perfectly together.

What to expect - Expectation from this milestone was not perfect play but shared connection. I wanted Aisha to invite me into activities in small ways — through looks, smiles, gestures, or simple turn-taking. Our play happened in short bursts rather than long stretches, often followed by breaks. These brief moments of shared attention were enough, because the real progress was her choosing to include me and stay connected, even if only for a little while.

What not to expect yet - I was not expecting long pretend play, sustained engagement, or play that followed rules. This stage is still about building the foundation of connection, not complexity. If the interaction remained simple, imperfect, or short-lived, that was completely appropriate for where she was developmentally.

An Example Initiation Activity - 

One activity that worked beautifully, actually came from real life - Getting Ready to go somewhere. We did it together. I would slow down on purpose during the routine and pause at natural moments, then wait for Aisha to restart the next step. 

For example, while applying cream, I would begin normally and then suddenly stop, holding the cream where she could see it but saying nothing. The pause itself became the invitation. Sometimes she reached for my hand, sometimes she said a single word like “cream.” Whatever signal she gave, I immediately responded, gently modeling the phrase or expanding on it "put cream" and continuing the routine.

Here is how we did it - 

The same pattern worked during combing hair and getting dressed. Aisha learnt that when the routine paused, then she could take action to bring it back to life again. Her role here was simple - just notice the pause - signal in anyway she can(gestures, words anything counts) - and become an active participant in restarting the moment.

This small shift turned an ordinary routine into a shared interaction and allowed initiation to emerge naturally. There was no prompting required anymore.

Communication -

 

For communication we were still in this stage - Combines two words to make simple requests. My focus at this state is Aisha to have functional speech first. We can build precision later. Aisha MUST first be able to convey what she needs and wants even if it is grammatically incorrect\not precise or even gesture. JA is building connection, I now have to layer speech so that Aisha can attach words to the connection. Right now Aisha saying - "pour water" by pointing to a glass trumps "pour water in glass" 😉.

What this communication milestone is about - This stage is about combining meaning into small two-word requests, not having conversations or speaking in full sentences.

What to expect - 

At this stage, communication was not about conversations but about combining meaning into small, functional two-word requests. I began to hear repeated phrases like “want juice” or “help me,” often supported by gestures or pointing. Most communication still needed gentle setup and modeling from me and appeared mainly during familiar routines. These exchanges were brief, but meaningful — short moments where Aisha used words and actions together to express a need.

What not to expect yet - 

I was not expecting questions, storytelling, or independent conversations at this point. Talking about feelings, explaining events, or sustaining back-and-forth dialogue was still developmentally ahead. The focus here was simply helping communication emerge with purpose, even if it was incomplete, repetitive, or dependent on support.

An Example 2 Words Building Activity - 

For this I used a simple snack building activity where we could both choose the ingredients and place the food on the plate. I would place a couple of different cookies or crackers, apples, bananas etc in front and then lift one in front of her pausing briefly for her to respond.

Any signal she gave counted, a look, a reach or a point.. anything. Then I would match her choice and expand on top of that by saying "apple please" or "more cookies" or "yummy bananas" etc. This showed her that communication changed the outcome. 

We practiced this pattern overtime during lunch, dinner in short playful terms keeping the interaction predictable and without pressure. Over time, these tiny exchanges created many natural opportunities for combining gestures and words, helping requests emerge without forcing speech.

The Miracle - 

While all the activities were going on a day to day basis, something happened. One day, Aisha was just walking around the house. In one of the stretches there was water on the floor. She did not notice it. She slipped and fell. She hurt her knee badly that day. She was not crying as usual (she does not cry when she gets hurt). I rushed to her and instinctively asked her like every time where did she get the boo boo? And to my amazement, she pointed to her knee and said "boo boo!".

A strange feeling spread across me at that moment. For a split second I was extremely happy...! After that I rushed to get the ice bag and we iced it together. 

Now lets talk about the extreme happiness part.. lol😅. Well you see, this is the first time Aisha has actually shown by pointing where it hurts. Till now she used to internalize the pain. She did not show, or she did not know how to connect to the pain in anyway. Couple of months back when she fractured her elbow, she was quiet. She did not say anything, did not show, did not cry, just a face full of pain. Then she did not know that making connection can actually get her help! But this time its different. She shows! At last, after 8 long years, she has shown where she has got hurt. Yayyy!!!!!!!! A Miracle!

Till that day whenever Aisha fell, got hurt at school or at home or somewhere else, I used to guess where she could get hurt. I would hold her, check all her joints for any swelling or redness etc. Then ultimately when I could not find anything, then unleash my last and ultimate weapon "The Paracetamol". After that I would keep on praying to god that - "wherever the pain is, god please subside it!" 

You will not believe the tension I will have after that, keep on checking on her from time to time, thinking whether I should rush her to the hospital or not and thousands of other possibilities rushing in my mind. But, this time I know where she is hurt, where the pain is, I can put my ice bag exactly there. If the swelling and redness does not subside then I can take further steps. Suddenly the pressure is off, the tension gone... 😁. I know what to do, And This changes everything!

Developmentally this is exactly what Joint Attention builds, the urgency to connect! I will need to highlight 2 things about what she did in that moment of distress that she was going through - 

1. She pointed -> Social Referencing, showing others by pointing
2. She Connected  -> Connecting via communication - by saying "boo boo"

Remember the tenet that I wrote in the last post? - JA creates the urgency to connect, connection creates the urgency to communicate and the need to communicate creates the urgency for speech? That is exactly what happened here.

A true Joint Attention Miracle👌. Aisha now knows that asking for help or connecting is actually nice and relieving. She asks for help or says "Daddy come here" whenever she needs something all the time now, Lol.

Now the progress - 

Joint Attention - Stage - Initiates and sustains Joint Play with shared Attention.

The Joint Attention graph shows a clear phase of rapid acquisition at the beginning of January, where Aisha began initiating more naturally across routines and daily interactions. This was followed by a brief instability period, not a loss of skill, but a phase where engagement fluctuated as the new ability was settling. Once this adjustment passed, her initiation stabilized and remained consistent through early February. After I saw this steady pattern, I understood that the skill had integrated and reached a developmental plateau.

Communication - Stage - Combines two words to make simple requests

The communication graph followed a slightly different rhythm. After an early rise, there was a temporary slowing where word combinations and requests became less frequent. Rather than regression, this appeared to be a reorganization phase while the underlying connection skills strengthened. But from mid-January onward, communication returned with greater consistency. The gestures and words were beginning to work together more reliably. That is when I came to the conclusion that the skill has been integrated and I went on to the next developmental step.

Interesting Correlation - An interesting pattern emerged around mid-January (Jan 19th in the graph) - both Joint Attention and Communication began strengthening at the same time. It felt as if improved connection was supporting language growth and acquisition. Joint Attention was providing the foundation that allowed communication to organize and expand.

Conclusion - 

Reflecting back on December, it was a month of regression and overload. It tested my belief in the frameworks, my ability as an untrained parent to administer intervention's and most importantly I started to doubt myself. Was I doing it the right way? Should I keep on continuing? Is a parent really not the correct person to administer interventions? - were the questions that kept on coming in my mind. 

January has cast all my doubts into oblivion. Now, as Aisha and I settle in the flow, we both are going ahead at full speed. 

In the next month post I will talk about what I started next after Joint Attention as this was the last milestone that Aisha needed to upskill. For communication also we upgrade to the next one. 

One thing is pretty clear though, development of skills is going to have ups and downs, its not evenly spaced. There will be sudden breakthroughs followed by a period of calmness or sometimes even chaotic. Then it will suddenly click and become consistent. I go into the next month with this insight.

Till then goodbye and take care.

Regression & Overload

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."

             - Alvin Toffler

November was an amazing month. Aisha was doing great in turn taking, awareness and all the other skills that we both targeted. There was momentum, learning and visible progress by leaps and bounds. I was easing into daily routines, we had small victories and I finally felt like I was beginning to understand how to implement NDBI for Aisha in a meaningful way. At last it felt like I was starting to crack the code!

Well, December had other plans in store! It was actually completely opposite😆. As the month progressed, what had seemed to be seamless and predictable became shaky, confusing and overwhelming! At one point I literally thought that I might have broken the child! Well, it turned out that Aisha went into a regression and overload phase. This post is all about that.

The Next Milestone:

By the end of November I was certain that Aisha had achieved the milestone and we moved over to the next one- Initiates and sustains joint play with shared attention. Now this is an advanced milestone where the child learns to initiate on her own. That meant that Aisha now had to stay emotionally and cognitively present — sharing focus, enjoying the play, noticing cues, and taking turns more independently.

I would apply the same pause inside the routines, but now I am not going to show or give any cues as to what needs to be done. Instead, I will just pause and let her initiate the move. Her move might not be the right one for that activity and that is completely fine. The main aim, is to generalize this skill outside the play routines once they were acquired. Here’s what that looked like in practice.

Learning To Step Back:

Tower Building example: - I wanted to make use of the tower building game to start with this milestone. Tower building can be made fun and can be done with a variety of things at home. It is something that does not need just blocks but can be done with pillows, utensils, toys or anything for that matter. My aim is to have opportunities where I can introduce the pause and let Aisha initiate in different daily routines.

Here's how we began with a simple tower-building game. After every block I paused

completely — no talking, just waiting. When the tower was ready to fall, I froze with an expectant look and waited for any signal from Aisha. Even the smallest movement became her initiation. I matched her action with simple language - “tower… break!” — and we celebrated the crash together before starting again. The goal was not perfection, but giving her space to start the interaction herself.

Another important thing that I did was to also start with a communication milestone. I saw that Aisha still does not use 2 words at home or outside except when she is in her therapy settings. So I started with the milestone - Combines two words to make simple requests. The reason why I did that was because I wanted to follow the tenet - Joint Attention creates the urgency to connect -> connection creates the urgency to communicate and -> communication creates the urgency for speech. For children with Autism or other developmental differences, difficulties in forming Joint Attention often lead to delays in this entire, cascading sequence. Since Aisha was doing really well with joint attention, starting with this communication milestone seemed to be an absolute no brainer.

This milestone focused on helping Aisha move from gestures and single words toward simple word combinations, while building back-and-forth interaction through requests and responses.

Just like NDBI and JAML, I found MTW (More Than Words) approach that asked me to talk less, wait more, and let Aisha lead.

More Than Words (MTW) - is a parent-mediated approach that helps children learn language by using communication in real, meaningful moments rather than practicing answers. One of the Key MTW principle that I followed - 

O.W.L. (The "Gold Standard" for Initiation) - Observe, Wait and Listen - This strategy is about getting out of the way so your child has the urgency to start the interaction.

Building Communication Naturally:

2 words building Example - Since Aisha was getting natural at choice making, I wanted to leverage that activity for building 2 words during her snack time.

During snack time I used a simple choice game with two cups hiding different items. I paused and waited for any signal — a look, reach, or gesture — then expanded it into a two-word model before revealing the snack immediately. The short, predictable turns created many natural opportunities to model language without pressure.

In this I will have multiple opportunities to model 2 words. I can also model Yes, No answers etc. This is what Success would look like - 

1. Aisha stays in the loop and anticipates the reveal.

2. She uses signals(gestures, one or two words) confidently.

3. I am able to consistently model the 2 words.

4. Turns remain short, predictable and fun.

What I as a parent do not do - 

1. I do not pressure for speech.

2. I do not rush through pauses.

3. I do not make it complex.

When Progress Slowed Down:

By the mid of the month I started noticing something. Aisha’s engagement was not the usual. She was not willing to engage in the activities. She was constantly tired. Dark circles appeared under her eyes. She would get irritated fast and would just lay down whenever possible. I thought that - oh, this might be the NDBI novelty factor was wearing off now and she got bored with what we were doing. 

Understanding Overload:

But in retrospect, December was a month where Aisha was literally overloaded. I had started with two heavy milestones. Then there was a function in her school for which rehearsals were going on. On top of that she had her therapy’s which we increased almost exponentially during the Christmas holidays and again on top of that I had the expectation that she will keep on engaging with me. 

Looking back, this routine would have exhausted anyone. It just shows that as parents, caregivers I really did not understand Aisha. I put undue pressure, which stemmed from my expectations. This gets aggravated more when the child is autistic, delayed, cant speak, cant express, then we just keep on going, pushing to fulfill our agenda.

What happened was - Aisha, as any other autistic kid absorbed everything, she did not say, did not protest, but just kept on doing whatever was asked and expected out of her. Ultimately she got overloaded and that deepened the regression. She got hazy on all the skills that she had learnt in November. Some of them disappeared.

So the problem is that we parents, caregivers and in-fact anyone who interacts with a developmentally challenged child needs to be immensely attentive to the child’s behavior if we need to assess her situation correctly, as there is no social cues coming from the other side. This is exactly where the child shows meltdowns, low engagement, not willing to do something, always tired…which are basically ways of communicating and saying to us - “STOP!”.

What the Data Revealed:

The data made this visible. Let’s look at the JA graph for initiation,

This graph revealed that regression was not a step backward but just a phase of adjustment. As

the cognitive load increased, Aisha's engagement became uneven and earlier skills weakened.

Once the demands reduced, stability slowly returned. This showed that learning was reorganizing

rather than disappearing beneath the surface.

Now lets look at the Early communication one - this graph truly mirrors the overload phase. 

Unlike a simple drop, the communication pattern moved up and down showing how inconsistent engagement becomes during overload. Some days Aisha participated and other days she did not. Stability returned only after demands were reduced. This indicated that her system needed regulation before new communication skills could settle.

What Regression Taught Me:

There are a lot of things that I want to document which I believe are more of a lesson that I learnt.

1. Progress depends on nervous-system attunement more than technique.

2. Keep expectations dynamic. Understand that learning is not linear, I have to be ready to reduce therapy at home or at center whenever the child gives signals.

3. Regression was not Aisha losing skills — it is her nervous system asking for space to integrate them.

4. It is important to understand that during a regressive phase we do not push for new skills. Rather we need to reduce and maybe gently repeat the work on the previous skills. Pushing will not work and will make matters worse.

5. Our child needs rest when overloaded. The symptoms may look like this - low engagement, irritability, low energy, low appetite, falling sick etc.

6. Most importantly - I as a parent need to learn or understand that these are just phases. And as all phases, this will pass too. So no need to fret. Rather I just need to calibrate my expectations accordingly and be consistent. 

Starting Again - Differently:

In this post we discussed many things, from starting strong to regression. But what happened after that? Well we did not stop! I went back to the last milestone for Joint Attention and gave Early Communication a break. Aisha loved that. She started to pick up the old skills again that we practiced in November. By the end of December, she was sprinting and that’s when I again started working on initiation and early communication, but this time we both know how to do it 👊. We didn’t move forward by doing more. We moved forward by learning when to step back 😇.

If you have made this far, then congratulations😛. I know this was long, but hang in there! We are on a roller coaster here, and in the next post we experience what rapid acquisition after regression looks like 💪!! Till then cya, and off course - HAPPY NEW YEAR from Aisha and me🙌!